What's Going Down

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Reasons I don't like Florida...

In case you were wondering.

I. HOLY FREAKING WILDLIFE.

A) ants
  • 1. Carpenter
  • 2. Fire
  • 3. Sugar
  • 4. All of which are in my house.
B) cockroaches
  • 1. okay, mostly in my garage
C) lovebugs
  • 1. Seriously, check it out. They're mating.
  • 2. They fly around like that... it's truly bizarre.
D) wasps
  • 1. Again, in my house.
  • 2. Also, around my house.
E) wolf spiders
  • 1. especially when they've got their babies on their back and you try to squish them.
F) I'm sure I'm missing some insect form.

G) Citrus Rats
  • 1. Yes, in my house. Yes, we're looking for a new place.
  • 2. I like them best dead in our traps.
H) Vultures
  • 1. They look just like the Disney version.
  • 2. It totally creeps me out.
  • 3. But they're at least useful, they help out with item I.
I) Possums
  • 1. Specifically on my back patio.
  • 2. But more commonly dead on the side of the road.

II. LACK OF SEASONS

A) We've got summer down pat.
  • 1. Woo.
  • 2. It's hot.
  • 3. It's humid.
B) Fall - not so much.
  • 1. Unless you count the two weeks in February when the weather gets into the 50s.
  • 2. I don't count that.
  • 3. You shouldn't either.
C) Winter - Ha!
  • 1. non-existant
  • 2. I miss snow.
  • 3. I like hot chocolate.
D) Spring - You're kidding right?
  • 1. Seriously y'all, it's boring.
  • 2. Kill me now.
  • 3. I can't stand another year of it!

III. What to do with my children all day?

A) Disney?
  • 1. Have you seen this lately?
  • 2. Got an extra $279.04
  • 3. That's just one day for my family
  • 4. That doesn't include:
    • a. gas to get there
    • b. parking
      • 1. $10
  • c. any food you might buy
  • 1. really $$$
  • d. souvenirs
  • 1. yeah right
  • 2. go to the dollar store
  • 5. It's not really all that fun.
  • a. you just paid $300 to stand in line for 2 hours for the Dumbo ride
  • b. congratulations
  • 6. Can you tell I'm not a big fan?
B) Really, there's not much else.
  • 1. Everything is very touristy.
  • 2. Also crowded.
  • 3. Also expensive.
  • 4. Thank you, Disney.

I could go on, but really, I'm just missing my seasons. Especially fall. Especially the leaves changing and the cool weather (that finally comes in January). I miss brisk evenings that leave your cheeks and nose cold and stopping in at a friend's warm home for some hot cocoa and cookies... really, all these things used to happen!

Sigh. Fall, why have I forsaken you???

13 comments:

Jarom said...

Here goes...
Don't go to Magic Kingdom...it sucks.
MGM Studios isn't that great either.
Epcot sucks unless you are a tourist.
Animal Kingdom rocks. Nuff said.
But the park you should go to...Universal Studios. If you still live in Florida by January. Go there. New Years day is the time to go. All the normal tourists have hangovers from the night before so they won't be there. Get fast passes ans you will be in line for a maximum of 10 mins. Have fun!

andie said...

oh those are some of the reasons I hated FL too I lived in Fort Lauderdale. add snowbirds, hurricane season, cost of living, oh and crime to the list for me. I'm so glad we got out of there

Hil said...

Yeah but....PA
Seasons change things die
Everything is brown and dead
It is only pretty for a week then it is all mulch
It gets too cold
You have to shovel the driveway
People can't drive in snow
Snow Sucks Its cold wet
Winter you have a constant cold
You have to wear ten pounds of clothes
Plus the 10 pound boots
Everyone walks around all depresssed from lack of sun & money for all of your money is going towards heat
Every animal that doesnt like the cold is living in your house and eating your food
Spring finally arrives and things finally start turning green
Flowers bloom
Finally lots to do places to go
but make sure you have your umbrella for the contast rain that gets stuck in the valley
Summer comes finally warm but not for long enough
Fall comes people get excited for the halloween candy and thanksgiving turkey,
Yea it is beautiful.
You wrote everything that every northerner that moves to Florida misses.
Florida has so much more than Disney. I like State Parks much better :) The beach!!
So where are you looking to move? Wanna come to Pa?
I Miss ya, Do you remember the Californian Raisen? I found pictures I have to get scanned and post.

dastew said...

We've got a couple spare rooms for you guys and the kids if you want to see what seasons are like again. The leaves should be turning in the next three of four weeks. Did I mention we have real locally produced maple syrup up here?

Ethan's Mom said...

Ew Ew Ew Ew! All those bugs are just one of many, many reasons we will never live in the south. We'd rather shovel snow.

Heather said...

how sad! Come to Utah. We have 4 seasons and the weather is perfect right now!

sheri said...

I kinda hear ya on some of those things. I see vultures and possoms weekly. And I'm awakened by coyotes screaming outside my bedroom window (saw one at the bottom of our steps the other night. weeee!) But at least we get a little more "seasons", I suppose. We just miss out on winter. Which is kind of ok by me. I hate going back to CO in the winter and having everything brown and dead. So depressing.
But missing out on fall? That would be the worst!

Shelah said...

sounds a lot like Texas. Except for the Disney thing.

The Lazy Organizer said...

It sounds awful! I love Utah seasons. We get wasps in our house too out here in the country. Who would have thought? Sometimes we vacuum up 20 a day. The kids are assigned wasp patrol.

I cannot get excited about paying big bucks to stand in line either.

Noah and Lindsay said...

I just shed a tear! You are so poetic, I didn't realize how much I miss the cool crispness of fall. I can't wait for Utah.

Matt said...

It sounds a lot like So Cal too. Only, as you know, we trade hot and humid for hot and dry. As for the wildlife aspect, I think wherever you go, there is something unpleasant. If you locate someplace with only "good" wildlife, let me know. (mm)

g said...

I hated FL for all those reasons. Ick! We just went to Connecticut this weekend (and NYC), but it was sooooo gorgeous there. Crisp and autumny, right out of a Martha Stewart magazine. Sigh. . .

Mr Jo Bloggity said...

"We"?

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